Through It All
by mmichaela
Summary: Chapter 10 now posted! My take on how Jack and Lisa's lives continue after the show, the troubles and events they deal with as a married couple. Set approximately 5 years, maybe a few more, after the show(season 8), whatever makes sense in your mind for it really. Will alternate between both Jack and Lisa's perspectives.
1. IntroSetting the scene

Lisa crouched down by the fire and attempted to coax some more life out of the dying embers while Jack went out to get some more logs to keep it alive through the night. She sighed and stood up once it was clear all the fire wanted was more fuel and no amount of coaxing would help that. Slipping her hands into her pockets Lisa walked over to the window of the dude ranch cabin, enjoying the peace and quiet. Even though Lou and Peter had found a place of their own, not so far from the ranch, the Heartland ranch was still as busy as ever, what with Amy's business expanding more and more, Ty and her made the decision to stay at Heartland with the kids, employing Georgie as a babysitter quite a bit. To her apparent delight; Georgie never got tired of the ranch and seemed to love showing the two toddlers the ropes. With all the comings and goings there was never a dull moment, or even a peaceful moment at the Heartland ranch. So the rare occasions herself and Jack could escape to an empty cabin at the dude ranch were much appreciated. Seeing as Jack always insisted he can never get a full night's sleep at Fairfield, most nights were spent at Heartland, saving lunches and trail rides for Fairfield. Lisa smiled and shook her head as her mind wandered, who would've guessed they could make life as a married couple work so well over the years. Somehow their lives just melded together, through it all.

She absent-mindedly stared out the window, over the lake. Even as the years passed, Lisa would never forget one of the most beautiful moments of her life taking place just by the lake. One of the reasons she loved so much to come up here, it had become a special place to her and her husband. She glanced around as she heard footsteps on the porch and realised she had been subconsciously twisting her rings around and around her finger. They hadn't left her hand since the day their secret broke to the family.

Jack came in shaking snow from his boots, an early snowfall had hit Alberta even though it was only October, his arms laden with logs. Lisa met him at the door to unload his arms so he could take off his coat and hat. As she walked back to the fire she said over her shoulder, "Do you know what I was just thinking about?"

"I can't say that I do," chuckled Jack, hanging up his coat and hat on the back of the door.

"I just got thinking about that day you had me convinced we were over, for good, the day we finally managed to announce our marriage, or rather Tim did. Remember how you ran out after me only to ask for the ring back?" said Lisa, dropping a few logs into the fire and letting the rest lie in the rack.

"How could I forget, you only remind me at least once a year Lis," laughed Jack, settling into the armchair.

"Oh I do, do I? Do I also mention how you nearly made me break down right there in your driveway? Or how it took every inch of my strength not to throw the ring in your face and run away crying? Hmmm?"

Jack couldn't help smiling up at his wife, "Yes you may have mentioned those points too. I don't know about you but I recall getting down on one knee, right then, too?"

"Oh yes, how thoughtful of you," Lisa sighed, settling down on the arm of the chair, "You really made the intention clear from the start". Jack laughed and pulled Lisa into an embrace and she melted against him.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am _very_ sorry about that, it seemed like a good idea at the time, I thought I was being romantic. And you held out on me too, you had me hanging in there for a yes, Mrs. Bartlett!"

"Well of course I did! I couldn't let you have all the cruel fun, Mr. Bartlett, that j-"her indignant reply was interrupted by a heartfelt kiss from Jack.

"What was that?" Jack said, after a few minutes.

"I..I forgot," murmured Lisa.

"Mm hmm, well I don't know about you but I'm cramping up in this darned armchair," muttered Jack. Lisa's warm laugh filled the cabin.

"Well is that so?" she tried and failed to pull herself out of the chair, she had inadvertently slipped down inside the arm and gotten wedged in there next to Jack, "Well as soon as I can untangle myself here maybe I can help you up, because that bed piled with blankets is looking more comfortable and cosy by the minute, let me tell you."

The couple's laughter filled the night as more snow fell around the dude ranch creating a scene not unlike the one forever ingrained in both their memories, of that secretive, beautiful night by the lake.


	2. Not In The Ground Yet

Jack woke to the cool, early morning light filtering in through the slightly moth-eaten dude ranch curtains. He could tell from the white light that it snowed for most of the night, that and the slight chill in the room. Lisa was still sound asleep in the bed next to him, the blankets pulled right up under her chin, her face relaxed in her slumber. That was nice to see, Jack could tell she had been stressed lately. Not that she would say it to anyone, she was too proud. Jack wasn't naïve enough to not see that quality in himself too, Lisa had always been quick to point it out when it came to the surface in him over the years, after all.

Jack eased himself out of the bed as smoothly and quietly as possible, as not to wake her. The clock over the fireplace told him it was not yet 7am. He laid an extra blanket over her small frame so the cold wouldn't wake her until he could get the fire restarted. He walked quietly over the cold floor to the fire place and began the long process of bringing it back to life.

Finally he had some flames flickering among the logs in the grate. Jack sat back into to the armchair wrapping a blanket around himself until the fire began to generate some actual heat. Lou and Lisa kept the cabins well stocked with warm blankets for the cold nights Alberta often had. As Jack sat in the chair he tried to let his thoughts wander to distract him from his aching joints. In recent years arthritis had flared up in his hands and knees, the cold weather always aggravated him more than usual now. Lisa knew how difficult certain things could be for him, but Jack tried to hide it as much as he could from Amy and the others, they would only insist on doing more of the chores he had done and loved to do all his life, he wasn't about to let someone else take over now. _I'm not in the ground yet, _he thought to himself in typical Jack fashion. His mind drifted as the flames in the grate steadily grew higher. Lately, the thoughts weighing on his mind quite often were how things were going to go in the future, his arthritis was only going to get worse. Jack couldn't bear the thought of Lisa being tied down to taking care of him, she didn't deserve it. But they'd been over it so many times in the past and Lisa wasn't having any of it.

"We've been through this. Before we got back to together, we went through this," she would say, "I love _you_, I don't care if I have to take care of you, because I know if, down the line, if it comes to it, you wouldn't hesitate to do the same for me. So just drop it."

She was adamant, but Jack couldn't help but feel guilty over the whole situation. She was so much younger, there was very little chance in the roles being reversed now. He hated to think about the fact that when he was gone, she would have no one to care for her in her old age. He knew Amy and Lou would be there of course, but they have their own families, and Lisa would know that too, she'd hate to take up there time and effort like that.

Jack shook himself, _stop it, _he thought sternly, _no point getting bogged down on all that now, __**I'm not in the ground yet. **_

Not wanting to let his thoughts get the better of him, Jack got dressed and put on his coat and boots. Some fresh air, he decided, was what he needed. He dropped another log into the fire, kissed Lisa on the forehead before leaving and quietly shutting the door behind him.

It had indeed snowed, at least lightly, for most of the night, there was almost a foot of it in some places. Jack pulled on his gloves and stepped off the porch, heading for the trail that circled the lake, enjoying the crunch of the snow at each footfall. He made a slow pace, his stiffness hindering him, but he didn't mind. The fresh air and crisp silence around him calmed his toiling thoughts. His breath misted the air in front of him with each exhale. The sun was already clearing the cloudless horizon, a hazy orange glow surrounding it, hinting a break in this cold snap would be soon to come. Slowly the world around Jack was coming to life, birds flitted around the trees and surface of the lake, rabbits slowly edged their way into the daylight in the snow covered fields surrounding him. Jack felt at peace, this was his home, he couldn't imagine a more beautiful place than Alberta.

By the time the dude ranch cabins were back in view, the sun had fully cleared the horizon, the day was well and truly underway. Jack's face was flushed with the cold and it would probably take quite a while for his hands to return to a normal body temperature, but nonetheless Jack was far in the better of his walk. He partly knew Lisa would have woken by now, but just in case he took off his boots and left them on the porch quietly before opening the cabin door. As he had suspected Lisa was no longer asleep. She was sitting slumped in the armchair in front of the fire, but she didn't turn around at the sound of the door, she must have dozed off again waiting for Jack to return. Jack hung up his coat and hat and made his way over to her. He slowly edged around the armchair and hesitated over her, she was indeed asleep, her chest rising and falling with each breath. Jack didn't know whether or not to wake her. He was about to sit in the armchair opposite her and leave her be when Lisa stirred in her seat and blearily looked around her. Her eyes fell on Jack and she smiled tiredly, he bent over her and she stretched up letting her mouth meet his halfway.

"Good morning sleepy", he straightened up.

"Good morning," yawned Lisa, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" asked Jack walking over to the coffee pot on the table in the corner of the room.

"Oh yes please, it's about time I woke up properly," laughed Lisa, fidgeting in her seat until she got comfy again. The cabin was quiet except for the crackling of the fire and the sound of Jack fumbling with the coffee pot. He was having trouble, what with his hands still being so cold from his walk, he couldn't quite get them to co-operate. After a few moments Lisa intervened.

"Will I get that?" she asked from her seat.

By now Jack was frustrated with himself, "No Lis, I am perfectly capable of making a cup of coffee" he snapped.

"I know you are, I'm just saying you've been out in the snow and all maybe I could just g-"

"I don't need you to give me a hand!" Lisa fell silent, Jack's words hung in the air of the silent room until he handed her her cup.

"Thank you"

Jack sat in the second armchair brooding in silence, the clear headspace he had found on his walk a distant memory. His mind was in just as much turmoil now as before. _Just great._

Lisa finally broke the silence, "Ok, I give up, what's eating you?"

"What do you mean?"" Jack stared unblinking into his mug.

"Now don't you even try it, just spit it out so you can stop tearing yourself to pieces."

Jack was torn. He knew he should say what's on his mind but they'd been over the topic so many times already, mainly because of him, he felt stupid bringing it back up again, it would only add to Lisa's stress, she didn't need that. But Lisa was staring expectantly at him, _What the heck, _he thought, _here goes nothing._

"Lis, it's just you know, lately, uh the last few years, even before, I know I've said it, and you've told me, it's just that…" he stuttered and rambled and finally faded out, he just couldn't find a way to say it quite right, to rationalise his worries aloud. Lisa shook her head and stood up, letting her blanket fall to the ground next to where she had abandoned her coffee cup.

She stood in front of him and lifted his chin to look him in the eyes, up close Jack could see the goose pimples on her arms and across her bare shoulders, "Jack, I know where you're going with this. Now I know why you looked like you wanted to throw that mug across the room when you sat down. Because you _know _we've been over this more times than I can remember, you're too damn proud, not to mention stubborn.." Jack grunted indignantly.

"Hey now! You know I wouldn't have you any other way, but I'm also not gonna have your pride stopping me from helping you when you need it, because you are all I have Jack, you know that, especially since, since…" Lisa looked away, blinking back tears.

Jack sighed, he'd been afraid of this. Lisa had been so stressed recently because just last month her sister and nephew, Ben had been killed in a car accident. They had been coming to visit her, they hadn't seen each other in years and her sister wanted to meet Jack and the family. Their car collided with a truck on the way to Fairfield from the airport.

Her sister's ex-husband had disappeared after the divorce years and years ago and Lisa was left to organise the funeral. Jack had helped of course, but since then Lisa hadn't mentioned it and Jack didn't know whether she wanted to talk about it or not, so he had reluctantly kept quiet.

He pulled her onto his lap and just held her while she wept, until she was ready to speak again.


	3. Grief

"Hey now! You know I wouldn't have you any other way, but I'm also not gonna have your pride stopping me from helping you when you need it, because you are all I have Jack, you know that, especially since, since…" Lisa couldn't finish. She had pushed all those thoughts to the back of her mind over the last month, refusing to address them. She knew this is what people would call denial, but she didn't care, she just couldn't bear to think about it, it would overwhelm her. Now it was too late, just hinting at the subject aloud brought all the suppressed thoughts and emotions surging to the forefront of her mind, suffocating her. She looked away from Jack, into space trying to blink back the tears. She hardly even noticed when Jack pulled her onto his lap, into his warm embrace. She buried her face into his shirt and cried.

She cried until her throat was raw. She cried until her eyes held no more tears. She cried until she felt absolutely exhausted from the sheer effort of crying. She cried for what felt like hours. All this time Jack just held her. He didn't try to stop her or speak to her, he just held her tight, never letting go. She just needed to know he was there, to keep her grounded so she wouldn't lose herself entirely in the waves of grief crashing down on her with such force it was hurting almost physically.

When her crying slowly subsided into hiccupping sobs, she felt numb. But a different numb than before. Before, she had forced herself into a state of numbness, not acknowledging the reality of it, even at the funeral, watching their coffins being lowered into the ground she felt as if she weren't fully present in her own body. She couldn't connect her emotions to what was happening. It had been her minds way of protecting her, building massive walls around her thoughts and emotions, refusing to let herself be hurt. But this numb was different, this numb was every last layer pulled back revealing all. This numb was raw, unlike anything she had ever felt before, a hopelessness. Lisa had never felt such a heartbroken hopelessness. Even the time she and Jack seemed to be over for good, her mind still let her have some hope, to keep her going, but this was beyond that. They were gone, no coming back, she wouldn't ever see her sister laugh, or see Ben show jumping, and she could never speak to either of them again, no matter how much she wanted to.

One of the worst parts was she only vaguely remembered the last time she visited, seen them both in person, they didn't like coming back to Hudson from the states much, so it was over year ago. Lisa had been travelling for business and had spent a few days at her sisters. She remembered it was a happy trip, Ben had just graduated university and was getting back on the circuit for the summer so she went to watch him. She had been so proud, Ben had grown up into an amazing young man, not to mention show jumper. They had even talked about Ben coming to Fairfield, learning the ropes, putting his degree to use, Lisa had been so excited to have him back in her life.

In a flash all that was gone, all those aspirations knocked aside. When Lisa received that phone call she felt as though her world was crumbling around her, she had shut down, basically became a robot. She just went through the motions of everyday life, nothing more. She probably would have let things slip if it weren't for Jack, who knows how she would've ended up if not for Jack. Jack...

Lisa was brought back to the present. She realised she was curled up on Jack's lap, still shaking and sobbing. "Oh Jack…"

"It's alright Lis, take your time," Jack murmured softly, stroking her hair.

"I'm so sorry," Lisa couldn't look up, she kept her face buried in his, now wet, shirt.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Lisa, I wouldn't expect any more of you, what you've gone through is just too awful for words. You've been strong, so strong-"

"But I haven't, have I? I let it take over, I let it shut me down, I.. I shouldn't have-"

"Now don't you be ridiculous, nobody expects you to just accept it all and move on, you lost your family, far, far too soon. It's not something that just happens without affecting your entire life, you know that. They were family, your only family other than us, it's not fair you lost them in such a way. You just take your time, it's only been a month…"

Lisa knew Jack was making sense but she couldn't help feeling bad. She was dragging all this emotional baggage into their lives, they didn't need that. It was partly why she blocked it all out. They didn't need her moping around the place, they had their own lives to live. Ty and Amy had their work and the kids taking up every waking minute, Lou and Peter were much the same. Lisa looked up and met Jack's eyes, tears still blurring her vision, _Jack deserves more than that, _she realised, _God how hypocritical am I being? Telling him not to let his pride get in the way and here I am pushing him away when I need him most._

"Oh God, Jack I feel so stupid, I know I should have talked to you about this sooner, I probably drove you crazy refusing to address everything, and I've been calling you stubborn all this time," Lisa managed to crack a tear-streaked smile.

"Well I admit I do deserve it, more often than not," chuckled Jack, "But what you've done is only natural, God knows I shut down when I lost Lyndy and Marion, there was nothing I could do about it, my mind shut me off until it was ready to deal with everything. But that's what family is for, to get you through it, so you come out the other side stronger than before. I know Amy's been worried about you.."

"Oh no, that's the last thing she needs! She has enough on her plate, with the kids and her business, besides me adding stress t-"

"Lis!" Jack interrupted, "I told you, we're family and we're going to get through this together, whether you like it or not. Because I'll be damned if you try to handle this on your own. You wouldn't want Amy, or me, handling our stress on our own, just like we don't want you to handle all this on your own and you _know_ that. So if you want, just talk, get it all out and I will just sit here and listen, if that's what you need."

Jack pulled her tighter and Lisa thought to herself how lucky she was to have him. The fire crackled in the hearth, flames licking the sides and giving the room a warm, flickering glow. She took a deep, slightly shaky, breath and just let it all out, whatever came to her mind, she let it spill out without holding back. Jack was true to his word, he just sat and let her get it all off her mind.

"I just still can't comprehend that they're actually gone, you know? I feel like the next time I need to travel to the states I'll try and stop by to visit them, to see them, because last time I did, it felt so good and I told myself I would do it more often, there was no excuse not to. Ben, Ben was going to come to Fairfield for a while, to use his MBA, I, I was so proud of him. It's just not fair, I keep thinking, should I have gone to pick them up from the airport? If my day was free I had planned on it but some horses were delivered to Fairfield so I got tied up for most of the day. What if I hadn't? What if I had gone to get them? They wouldn't have been on that damn road from the car rental place, I could've taken them directly from the airport to my place. I know I shouldn't think like that, in reality there was nothing I could have done, but all I have now is what ifs. I hate it, what ifs are what make life so difficult to live, how can we move on if our minds keep dragging us back into the past, to things we can't change? The whole thing just makes me, makes me so angry! It's not fair, they shouldn't have gone so soon, in the way they did. Scared and probably in pain in that car, as the truck…" she broke off unable to go further with that picture in her mind. Jack's constant hold on her was all she had getting her through these waves of grief, it gave her the courage to continue, she always felt safe in Jack's presence. "I am really sorry for shutting myself off the last month or so, I didn't even realise it was happening. I know if our roles were reversed I would have been worried sick about you, so thank you..for understanding," she stretched up to kiss him, to show him she meant her words. "If I didn't have you who knows how things would've gone… I hate to admit it but I probably would have let things slip. I'm not as strong as you, you're so strong, but I need people like you to keep me going, as independent of a life I seem to have created for myself. Who would have guessed it?"

Finally Jack spoke, "Lis, you are strong, stronger than you will ever know. Everything you have achieved in your life you couldn't possibly have done without your strength. It's the thought of you, of loving you, being your husband is what makes me strong. It's what gives me the strength to get through each day. We need each other. Sometimes I need you more, sometimes you need me more. This is one of those times, undoubtedly and I will be here for you every step of the way. I know I speak for the others on this too. We're family."

Now Lisa was tearing up all over again, she began to sob. Jack looked down, concerned.

"No, no, "Lisa said, before he could say anything, "These are good tears, these are grateful tears". She couldn't help but laugh at herself. "God I'm such a mess."

"A beautiful mess" smiled Jack, kissing her forehead.

"Jack Bartlett, are you trying to take advantage of me in my vulnerable state?" Lisa sniffed, feigning horror.

"Now would I do something like that?"

"I wonder. But I remember we had planned a morning trail ride today, right? And at this rate we're losing your sense of morning pretty fast, isn't this afternoon to you early risers?" Lisa wiped away the tears that had escaped as she spoke.

"Nice to see you don't lose your sense of humour Lis," chuckled Jack, "Well things didn't go quite to plan I guess."

"I'm sorry about that, this wasn't what we came up here for," murmured Lisa, burying herself back into Jack's embrace.

"Maybe not, but we came up here to spend some time together, which we did. As a bonus, you're leaving in a much better mind space, right? So not going to plan is a good thing I guess." mused Jack.

"You're right," smiled Lisa, "Definitely a good thing."

All was silent in the cabin, as snow began to drift down outside once again and the clock ticked on through the morning.

Jack broke the silence, "About that trail ride…"

Lisa groaned, "Jack! It's still snowing out there, I wasn't serious about that. It can wait right?"

"It's hardly snowing at all Lis! That will stop within the hour-"

"Jack, no, it's cold and I am quite comfortable right here in front of the fire, under this blanket for now, thank you very much. Another time."

Jack laughed at the stubborn set in Lisa's voice, "Whatever you say, but I'm gonna hold you to it, you know."

Lisa just smiled. This is it, this I what she needed right now.


	4. Family

Amy was standing over a recipe book, squinting at the page and muttering under her breath when Jack walked into the kitchen, dripping wet.

"It is pouring out there, I'm soaked to the skin and I only came from the truck!" said Jack indignantly.

"Oh hey Grandpa," Amy was clearly preoccupied with whatever was bubbling on the stove, she didn't even glance up at his entrance.

"Now that's a heart-warming welcome, I've only been away a week you really missed me, huh?" Jack let some sarcasm slide into his words, smiling to himself.

"Oh I'm sorry Grandpa! Of course I missed you and I would run over and hug you right now but you know me and cooking. This would probably catch fire or something the second I turn my back,"

Jack chuckled, sitting down to take off his boots. It was true, Amy never could get the hang of cooking, it was a good thing Lisa was around so often and was more than willing to cook. Ty tried, but his job meant dinner ran late a lot of days if he was in charge of cooking.

"How was Florida? Did you guys have a good time?" enquired Amy, still concentrating on her cooking.

Jack had spent the week in Florida with Lisa. She had some business and sales to catch up on and Jack didn't want her to be on her own, so far away. It was her first long distance business trip, trip of any sort, since the funeral. To his own surprise, he had actually enjoyed himself.

"Florida was great, we had a great time" he replied. Now, Amy did turn around, surprise showing on her face. She then remembered herself and turned quickly back to the food.

"You sound like you mean it," Amy said once she was sure nothing had gone awry in her moment's distraction. Jack could see why she was surprised, he had never been a big fan of travelling. He came to settle down at the table, he was tired from travelling all day, one of the main reasons travelling was never a top priority for him, who liked being cooped up for so long anyways?

"I do. Lisa showed me around, she was happy with business there and because we spent a week there we had time to relax, no crazy schedules. But it _is_ good to be home." Jack sighed, wherever he travelled, nowhere ever compared to his home.

Amy laughed, "It's always good to be home. Speaking of which, did you drop Lisa to Fairfield? She does know we're having dinner for you guys tonight, right? If I can actually get this right.."

"Yes she had to check up on some stuff there first. Of course she knows, she's been really looking forward to it, to seeing all of you guys"

"Mm-hm it's too bad Lou and Peter are visiting Peter's parents this weekend, I'm sure she would have liked to catch up with Katie, spoil her some more" mused Amy.

Jack laughed, "I do recall her going shopping one day with the kids in mind, now that you mention it"

"Now why am I not surprised? How _is_ Lisa holding up? I've been worried lately, she seemed stressed with everything before you guys lef-shoot, dammit!" one of her pots on the stove had boiled over, she quickly took it off the heat and set it aside to clean up the mess.

"Much better actually. We talked things through before we left, when we spent the night at the dude ranch. She wasn't too happy to hear you'd been worried though.."

"Oh Lisa" Amy shook her head, "Well of course I was, I mean everything she had to deal with, I hope you told her not to think about me-and that we're all here for her."

"Don't you worry, I did, she knows she's family just like any of us. Which reminds me where are James and Mae today?" Jack looked around, realising the house was unusually quiet. Usually the toddlers were running around making noise.

"Ty had the day off so he took them to Maggie's for lunch earlier and then to the rodeo grounds to watch Caleb training some horses I think. They should be home any minute now. Could you set the table before the do and all hell breaks loose around here again? I think this chilli is nearly done now.." she trailed off, scrutinising the recipe to be sure. "And no eating before everyone gets here!" she added, catching him looking over her shoulder at the food.

Jack hardly even heard Lisa's call as she entered later that evening, the noise at the ranch had escalated so much. Ty was home with the kids, and had brought Caleb along for good measure, and as usual Tim had come by unannounced for dinner. He strode out to greet her with a kiss and to hang her coat up.

"Ooh, I'm getting the guest treatment tonight, am I?" Lisa smiled, holding out her scarf for him to take.

"Just for tonight," chuckled Jack, "Seen as Amy has gone all out cooking dinner for us coming home today."

"Mmm it smells delicious, I'm starving."

"Lisa!" Amy came in to the kitchen with Mae in her arms, she embraced Lisa and Mae squealed with delight at the group hug, "How are you?"

"I'm good, really good," replied Lisa taking Mae and swinging her around. "How's my favourite little two year old?" She asked Mae, resting her on her hip. Mae just gurgled happily, showing off her tiny white teeth. "Dinner smells great Amy, you've been working hard I see"

Amy laughed, "Let's just hope it tastes good"

"It does" Jack cut in, Amy and Lisa both looked at him.

"I got tempted before everyone arrived and took a bite" he admitted.

"Grandpa!" exclaimed Amy, Lisa laughed and hit Jack's arm on Amy's behalf seeing as he sidestepped behind Lisa, away from Amy. Jack quickly ducked back into the dining room, chuckling to himself, leaving Amy and Lisa to catch up. Everyone else was scattered around the dining room-living room, waiting for dinner to be served. Tim had seated himself at the end of the table and seemed to be getting impatient to start dinner because he wasn't directly involved in any conversations right now. Ty and Caleb were in front of the fire playing with James who was enjoying all the attention from his dad and godfather at the same time, what a treat.

Jack sat down in his usual place and let the hustle and bustle of home just wash over him, a smile creeping over his face. _It is good to be home, _he thought contently. A few minutes later Mae came running in, "Dinner time! Dinner time!" Lisa followed behind, smiling.

"Lisa, good to see you, how was Florida? Did Jack drive you crazy complaining for the week?" joked Tim, standing up to hug Lisa.

"Hi Tim," laughed Lisa, returning the hug "No, we had a great time actually, right Jack?"

"Sure did" smiled Jack, leaning over to kiss her as she sat down next to him. Ty picked up Mae and swung her into her chair while Caleb did likewise with her older brother.

Amy entered and began serving everyone. Jack looked around at everyone's smiling faces. Ty and Caleb were already engrossed in conversation with Tim about some business idea or another, Lisa was laughing and talking to James and Mae, sitting next to her, keeping smiles on both their little faces, Amy noticed Lisa too and exchanged a happy look with Jack. Lisa hadn't seemed this happy in a while, it was a relief to see.

_Family, _thought Jack, _family is so important. _He was just glad that Lisa had this family to get her through the loss of Ben and his mom. He knew Lou and Peter were enjoying time with family with Georgie and Katie at Peter's parents. Katie always got so excited for their visits.

Jack couldn't be happier with the family he had, even Tim… Caleb was even like family now. Everything just, _fit. _He reached over to squeeze Lisa's hand, she looked up inquiringly, to see him smiling to himself, almost in a world of his own.


	5. Cold Snap

"Well folks, you'll be glad to hear we're coming to the end of the second cold snap this month. Temperatures may drop low overnight, but by morning the sun will be back in force to see us through the season.." the cheery presenter crackled over the radio in Jack's truck. Lisa shifted in her seat, making the most of Jack's body heat in the cold truck, grateful for some good news.

"Hear that? Maybe we can finally go for that trail ride that never happened before Florida. Between the trip and the ever changing weather… I did say I was going to hold you to it." said Jack, leaning over to turn down the volume.

"Hmm that would be nice, how about tomorrow? I'll stay at Heartland tonight so we can get an early start." Lisa needed a nice long trail ride, just her and Jack. The fresh Alberta air always cleared any remaining jet lag from a trip. They'd only been back a few days, yet the weather had gone from wind and rain, to dead-of-winter-like snow and ice in that little time, throwing off her system completely.

"Now that sounds like a good plan" smiled Jack in reply. The mid-day sun glared a white light through the windscreen, reflecting off the snow covered fields and road ahead of them. Jack had had some errands to run in Calgary so Lisa had decided to tag along for the day. The journey there had been slow-going, the snow ploughs were still working on the roads when they left Hudson. They were on the way home now, it was still taking longer than usual, Jack was being careful on the icy roads, as was every other car commuting today.

They fell silent, the sound of the radio filling the cab. Lisa's mind wandered in the silence, as the snow-covered fields drifted by she began to get that premature Christmas feeling like she always did when the weather began turning cold in the fall. She thought of the past few Christmases spent at Heartland. The house packed to the last, kids running rampant, old friends stopping by, Lou and Lisa attempting to keep everyone fed for the duration of the holidays. That was never an easy task, something about the holidays seemed to double everyone's appetite. Somehow they managed it without killing each other, surprising everyone really, who knew they could work together in such close proximity?

Since Lou and Peter had moved into their own place, things between Lisa and Lou had by far improved. Lou had found her own domain and that left Lisa to pick up the slack at Heartland without Lou feeling crowded out. Lisa smiled to herself, _Lou and I are just too alike for our own good, really._

Lisa was brought back to the present by Jack's voice, "When's that new mare set to arrive, Lis?"

One of Lisa's dealings in Florida had been purchasing a young appaloosa mare, with amazing bloodlines, to bring to breed at Fairfield. "She was to leave their stables today, I believe, they had some paperwork and dealings to finish up first, so she should be here in the next week or so. I can hardly wait, she was just amazing wasn't she?"

"She sure was beautiful, she really took to you, too" agreed Jack.

"You think so?" Lisa smiled at the prospect of bonding with the beautiful horse.

"Well she certainly had no time for me or anyone else when you were around" laughed Jack.

"Jealous?" teased Lisa. Jack just chuckled and squeezed her tight in reply. A thought occurred to Lisa. "Oh Jack!"

"What Lis?"

"Lou and Peter were coming back from his parents today right?"

"Oh yeah, I think they planned on being back sometime in the afternoon" said Jack. Lisa looked at her watch, it read three-thirty.

"We should ask them up for supper, if we stop in town first I can grab some things and have it ready in time." Lisa began mentally making a shopping list for herself.

"Sure, but don't you need to stop by Fairfield to pick up Cinders for the morning?" asked Jack, reminding Lisa of their earlier plans.

"Oh yes! I almost forgot, we won't have much time for that detour... I'll ask one of my stable hands to drop him over with my saddle and things." Lisa took out her phone to ring Lou first and then her stable hand, having something to plan and organise, however small, providing a welcome distraction from the cold.

Later that night, everyone had gone home, Ty and Amy were in the living room and Jack and Lisa had decided to turn in early, planning on rising early in the morning.

Lisa climbed into the bed next Jack, "Every time I see her I can't get over how grown up Georgie is, remember when she was practically Katie's age? The little runaway child you took under your wing? Now, now she'll be graduating soon, she's changed so much, but at the same time-"

"She's still the same old Georgie," finished Jack with a chuckle, "I know exactly what you mean"

"And as for my goddaughter, I swear she was just a little baby last week. I've never really experienced first-hand the whole watching-children-grow-up thing, it's amazing!"

"Makes you feel old though don't it?"

"Well yes, that too" laughed Lisa, "Makes me wonder though.."

"Hmmm?" encouraged Jack.

"It's silly really, I don't regret not having kids, I love my life as it is, but sometimes I wonder would I have made a good parent?"

Jack met Lisa's eyes in the dim light, "I could hardly imagine anyone making a better one, Lis. Now get some sleep so I might be able to drag you from the bed without any fighting in the morning."

"Now as if I would put up a fight" said Lisa sweetly, pulling the covers up under her chin as Jack kissed her forehead.

True to her word, Lisa refrained herself from arguing with Jack when his alarm went off and he whipped the covers off her, exposing her to the cold air. She quickly dressed in warm clothes before she started shivering. They had a quick breakfast, doing their best to be quiet as not to wake the others. _Because who in their right mind willingly gets up this early? _Lisa thought to herself seeing the clock showing 6:30 in the kitchen, _I mean, I'm all for making the most of the day and all that but this just takes the biscuit really. _Even Jack was clutching his mug of coffee as if his life depended on it, eyes half open, scanning yesterday's paper.

"Ok my morning guy, are you going to finish that coffee or can we just leave now?" teased Lisa setting down her empty mug. Jack glanced up at her and then down at his coffee, he laughed at himself.

"Well I didn't expect you to be the chirpier of the two of us this morning."

"I'm full of surprises" grinned Lisa pulling on her coat.

A little while later they were heading out. Lisa revelled in the crisp morning air. The weather forecast seemed to be accurate. A fresh layer of snow had fallen over night, washing out the landscape into an array of white and silver, but the sun was coming up, the rays hitting the peaks of the mountains, promising a nice day. _It's nice to ride western again, _thought Lisa, realising it had been a while since she'd taken out her western tack. Not to mention her old hat, it had been too long since she'd dusted that off, it felt good. Riding English with a hard hat was all well and good, but something about western riding just felt like _home._

They rode in silence for some time, enjoying the quiet of the morning around them, not feeling the need to fill the silence. The trail was lined with snow covered trees, icicles hanging from the snow laden branches.

Conversation faded in and out over the next while, they both just spoke aloud certain thoughts that came to mind. Something they had always done, it had always felt right to just talk about anything, even senseless ramblings, with Jack. Lisa had never found that with anyone else.

They were on the home stretch of the trail nearly two hours later. As much as Lisa had enjoyed herself she was so cold it was a relief to be almost back, she felt as though her fingers might crack if she tried to move them too quickly from their grip on her reins.

There was a loud squawk right above Lisa's head and a bird took off suddenly from the branches above her, shaking them. The movement in the tree caused snow and icicles to dislodge themselves from the branches.

What happened then seemed to slow down time for Lisa. One of the icicles fell, skimming the side of Cinders' face, caught off guard, he spooked. He let out a high pitched whinny and threw his front legs in the air, Lisa held on for dear life, throwing herself forward as Cinders was almost upright on his hind legs in fear. Just as Lisa thought she was safe, Cinders bolted forwards before his hooves were even back on the ground.

The momentum sent Lisa flying in a high arc through the air towards the frozen ground.

The last thing she heard before impact was Jack's anguished yell, then nothing.


	6. Wait

Time seemed to come almost to a standstill when Jack heard Cinders whinny in fear. He looked to his side to see Lisa throwing herself forward in her saddle in attempt to stay on as Cinders reared into an almost upright position. He watched in horror as before Lisa even had a chance to react her horse bolted forward sending her flying backwards through the air.

Jack was frozen and helpless as he watched her body arc towards the frozen ground. He might have shouted, he couldn't be sure. Lisa's body hit the ground with a resounding finality that sent a rush of adrenaline through Jack. He flung himself out of the saddle and rushed to Lisa's side, cold fear gripping his heart.

"Lis! Lis can you hear me?" he shouted desperately. There was no response, her face was slack, her eyes closed. Jack fumbled in his haste as he pulled off his gloves. With one hand he pulled his phone from his pocket and with the other he desperately felt at Lisa's neck for a pulse. A wave of relief nearly knocked him over when he found it, faint and thready, but a pulse nonetheless.

At that moment he caught sight of the blood flowing out from behind Lisa's hat, staining the snow-packed ground around her head an ominous crimson. Dread almost froze him in place for a second time but he forced himself to concentrate. The faint pulse beneath his fingertips the only hope he had as he frantically dialled the emergency services.

After that Jack's recall of events was blurry. He remembered waiting for what felt like hours for help to arrive. Afraid to move her but trying to stop the bleeding at the same time.

"Please wake up Lis, don't you go leaving me now," pleaded Jack, staring down at her pale face, doing his best to quell the waves of hopelessness threatening to surge to the surface. By the time help arrived Lisa was showing no signs of regaining consciousness and Jack was doing his best to convince himself that her pulse wasn't fading out, that he couldn't see the life draining from her still form. He couldn't even bare to look at the way her right leg seemed to be at an odd angle to her body, he just focused on her face, the features he looked at every day, the hollows of her cheeks, the slope of her lips, the line of her nose, all of it-even pale and lifeless it was still _her. _Jack shook himself at the word _lifeless, _he shuddered, _Don't you be an idiot Jack Bartlett, she's a fighter don't you forget it._

There was a flurry of movement on the track once more when the paramedics arrived and Jack could hardly be torn from Lisa's side as they strapped a brace on her neck and leg and hoisted her onto a stretcher.

The next clear thought he had wasn't until he was in the waiting room, Lisa had been rushed to surgery immediately and Jack had been left to wait, and wait, and wait. He was too shocked to pace or to even think, he just sat in one of the hard chairs and stared at the walls, it wasn't until nearly an hour later he thought of the others at home. _Shoot! Amy and Ty will be well up by now. _

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, vaguely registering the blood still on his hands, he had attempted to clean it in the ambulance with a wipe a paramedic had given him but he had been too distracted to pay attention. Dialling Amy's cell he stood up and began pacing in agitation.

"Grandpa!" Amy answered the phone, she seemed relieved, a bit flustered maybe. "I was going to call you, I thought you guys would be back by now."

"Amy..it's.." Jack choked out struggling to find the words. Amy immediately picked up on his distress.

"Oh Grandpa, what's happened?" Sitting back down, Jack managed to recount the events, in bits and pieces, managing only small, few-syllable sound bites at a time.

When Jack finished Amy was silent for a few moments on the other end, she was at a loss for words. ""We'll be right there Grandpa" she finally managed to say, "You hang in there, we'll be there as soon as we can!"

Jack could hear her calling for Ty, something about watching the kids, before she had even hung up the phone.

By the time Lou and Amy rushed into the waiting room, faces drawn, Jack had taken to pacing the floor, his mind in turmoil. He kept trying to tell himself to have faith, to stop thinking the worst but he couldn't help it. In situations like these thinking the worst is exactly what the mind does. Jack didn't even know what to say to his granddaughters, words failed him. He couldn't put any of this mess into words. They ended up sitting in the hard chairs, Amy squeezing one hand, Lou the other, in an attempt to comfort him, and each other. They sat in silence as the minutes ticked by and people around them drifted in and out, unnoticed by the three.

After an hour that seemed to stretch into forever the surgeon finally came through the doors. Jack was on his feet in a heartbeat to hear the verdict.

"In addition to two fractured ribs and her right leg being broken in two places, Mrs. Stillman-Bartlett suffered a severe head trauma and cranium bleeding in her fall. We managed to stop the bleeding in her brain, however she remains unresponsive."

"Unresponsive?" Jack cut in, "Unresponsive? What does that mean?"

"Mr Bartlett, I am afraid your wife remains in a coma, however we strongly believe that she has a high chance of waking as further brain scans indicate no further swelling or bleeding from the trauma. The next 48 hours will be critical."

"But she _will _wake up" Amy said, herself and Lou had joined Jack.

"We believe so, but like I said the next 48 hours are critical in determining whether or not there will be any lasting damage" said the surgeon, nodding in Amy's direction.

"Can I... may I see her?" croaked Jack, his voice catching with emotion, a mixture of utter relief that she was alive and a sense of fear at the prospect of Lisa not regaining consciousness.

"Of course, she is one floor up, room 121."

"Thank you doctor, thank you" said Jack shaking his hand in sincere gratitude, unable to do or say anymore. He just needed to see her, see her with his own eyes, to reassure himself that she was alive.

Jack hesitated at the door to her room, he couldn't explain it, but he was almost afraid. Amy squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"We'll be right outside Grandpa" said Lou. Jack nodded and taking a deep breath, opened the door.

Inside the single bed-room the air was still. Completely still and the only sound was the beeping of the monitors at Lisa's bedside. Jack faltered at the sight of all the wires hooking Lisa up to the machines. It made her seem so _fragile, _so _breakable._ Jack tread quietly around the bed, as if she was asleep and settled in the chair on the opposite side. He picked up the hand that wasn't hooked up to an IV and held it. Her face was peaceful, as if she was merely asleep. Jack could almost fool himself into thinking she was if it weren't for the cold dread gnawing at his insides reminding him of reality. Under the thin hospital bed sheets he could see the plaster encasing her right leg, from her foot right up to her mid-thigh it seemed.

After a while there was a soft knock on the door and Lou and Amy entered. Jack hardly looked up, he was fixated on Lisa's face, willing her eyes to open. Amy came to stand behind his chair and put her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"She'll pull through Grandpa, she strong" she murmured, breaking his revere. He knew Lou and Amy were worried, about Lisa and probably about him, he's hardly said a word to them since they'd arrived, after all. His silence was probably driving them out of their minds.

"I just feel so helpless dammit. She shouldn't be lying there like that, it's just all wrong…she has to… she has to wake up!" he was exhausted, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Lou looked worried, "I know Grandpa, but you got to have faith. You know Lisa, she wouldn't dare leave you alone to deal with all of us, she'll wake up. She'll wake up." It was almost a mantra.

Jack appreciated their efforts at comforting him but he just needed to be alone, with her, and his own thoughts right now. He had to try and make sense of everything, somehow. _It's just not right. She can't be in a coma. She just can't. I need her, I need her. _He shook off those thoughts and tried to clear his head. He had to accept the facts for what they were.

"You girls should go on home, Ty and Peter will be worried, not to mention climbing the walls after those kids of yours," Jack managed to force a smile, in a feeble attempt to convince them to go home. They exchanged a look but complied.

"Sure," sighed Amy, "but one of us will come back again later, ok? Do you want to grab something to eat before we go?"

Jack just shook his head, he couldn't possibly leave Lisa's side right now. They seemed reluctant to leave him, but slowly made their way towards the door. A thought occurred to Amy and she turned around at the foot of the bed.

"Oh Grandpa, Cinders turned up at Heartland just before I left, he was pretty shook up. I put him in the paddock. What happened to Paint?"

"We were near the top field near Big River when, when it happened, so I let him out there while the medics stabilised Lisa." He had almost entirely forgotten about either of the horses since the accident, at least Cinders had found his way back. "If someone gets a chance today they can bring him down and untack him."

"No problem" nodded Amy fervently.

"OK," said Lou, edging towards the door, "You'll let us know if you hear anything, right?"

"Sure I will Lou" He made a shooing motion with his hands and they left, letting the door swing shut behind them. He was alone with Lisa again, allowing him to think out loud.

"They're right, you know. You're strong, and you wouldn't dare leave me yet. You wouldn't. I know you're there Lis, and I know you're fighting. Just so you know, I'm here for you, rooting for you every step of the way."

"Always have been." He added after a moment.

He kissed her still hand and let the sound of the monitors wash over him. Some part of him found comfort in the sound, the steady beeping of her heart monitor reminding him she was alive, she wasn't letting go. He just had to trust her, and wait.


	7. Panic

**Author's Note: I know this is a fairly short chapter, but I felt like it needed this little filler, if only for the continuity of my alternations between Jack and Lisa's perspectives. This chapter, for some of you, may be bordering on the edge of the fantasy genre, as coma patients' thoughts is completely unchartered territory for me(or anyone?), and in my defence, fantasy is my tried and tested genre to read ****_and_**** write, so it was bound to make an appearance, however slight(it is very slight, especially if you were to read any of my actual fantasy pieces, but nonetheless it's not exactly 100% realistic either), at some stage. So if you don't like it that's ok, I'd still like to hear your opinions though. **

Lisa woke to…nothing. She wasn't even sure if she was awake, she couldn't see anything, hear anything, feel anything or even smell anything. She was surrounded by a suffocating darkness, only her thoughts to let her know she was aware. _But am I aware? What happened? What am I doing here? _She struggled in her mind trying to reach a memory she knew was there somewhere. She found nothing. There was nothing there, she had no recollection of anything that could have led to this. Memories of her past came in snippets and flashes, nothing solid. Just glimpses of people, animals, crowded race tracks to quiet hotel rooms, but there was nothing she could grasp, no image clear or lasting. Each one fading away into the next before she had a chance to actually catch it. _What's wrong with me? Why… Why is there… nothing?_

A horrible thought struck Lisa, _Is this it? Am I dead? Is this the eternal afterlife some part of me put faith in? No senses, no memories, just trapped in my own thoughts, for eternity? _This thought sent panic through Lisa. This couldn't be it. Especially not without solid memories to hold onto, who did she love? Who loved her? Were there people missing her right now? Was she bur- **_No, _**_stop right there. _The mere idea of being underground while still somewhat aware, alive, whatever this is, would surely tip her over the edge. _Well I guess that must have been a fear of mine, or at least it is now, _she thought wryly to herself before banishing the thought from her mind refusing to address it. It took every ounce of her mental strength not to descend into utter panic. She struggled to maintain control.

The sensation of being completely detached from everything scared her. She knew she should be able to feel things, see things, some part of her mind told her that much, but she had no sense of her limbs, no control over any part of her body, as if they weren't there. _I could be a brain in a jar. __**Stop. **_Again she forced herself to expel such thoughts, knowing that was a dark road she certainly did not need to go down right now. She forced herself to concentrate. She attempted to reach into the furthest recesses of her mind, to pull out something, anything that could explain what she was experiencing. To no avail. She came up blank each time, each time frustrating her more than the last.

She soon began to tire from her efforts to grasp any clear memory from her swirling mind and now her thoughts were beginning to slip from the realm of coherency. _Better this than out and out panic, _she thought before her thoughts slipped entirely from her conscious mind, and she fell into a dark unawareness.

When Lisa's thoughts began to register again, panic gripped her once more.

_Days, weeks, __**months **__could have passed and I don't even know. I'm just suspended in time here. Here, hah like this is a place or something. Is there someone looking for me? Looking __**at**__ me maybe? Is there even something of me to look for, or at? Is there someone out there, someone I can't even remember, worried about me?_

As this thought passed through Lisa's mind she was taken aback by a surprisingly clear image of a man. A man on a horse with grey hair and a moustache, weathered features and a cowboy hat no less. The image was gone as suddenly as it came but it brought a sense of calm to Lisa. Shortly followed by confusion, but she was determined to hold onto that calm. It was the first clear memory she had had, that man must mean something to her, somehow.

_If only I knew how or why. Even his name.. __**or my name. **_Once again Lisa's mind was sent into turmoil, the sudden realisation she didn't know her own name tipping or over the edge.

_How can I not know my own name? ..Well, how could I? I don't even know what I look like. _She struggled once more to bring a clear memory to the forefront of her mind. This time looking for something anything that would tell her her name, or anything about her.

_I know more about that man than myself. Isn't that just great? _A sense of defeat crept over Lisa once again. Her thoughts were beginning to slide away from her control, faster than before it seemed.

_Does this mean things are getting better, or worse? Well at least the one memory I can hold onto is a pretty good-looking one. _

Before another wry thought could pass her mind she was once again engulfed in dark, nothingness, completely unaware of even her own thoughts.


	8. I Was All In

**A/N: I tend to find it easier to get inside Lisa's head than Jack's, so I hope I got this all across ok, it got quite long so I hope I managed to stay 'in character' for the majority of it. Either way, I hope you like it, feel free to let me know what you thought.**

"Grandpa, Grandpa wake up"

Jack was jolted awake at Amy's words. He had dozed off in the chair, Lisa's hand still in his. The lights in the room were off but the sunlight was seeping through the thin curtains behind Jack's chair.

"Huh?" he blinked up at Amy, then at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten in the morning, Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd slept that late. It took him a second to re-orientate himself, get everything straight in his head. It was Wednesday, he clarified, three days since the accident. He had slept in the chair at Lisa's bedside Sunday night, but Amy and Lou had insisted he go home to sleep Monday night. He reluctantly agreed and Ty stayed with Lisa for the night. If she woke up, Jack couldn't bear the thought of her waking, scared, to an empty room. Despite their protests though, he hadn't gone home last night, because even though his bed was much more comfortable, being away from Lisa the night before just led to him tossing and turning all night. At first light Tuesday morning he'd driven back to Foothills Hospital in Calgary. Ty had been awake ready to start his day of vet calls and Lisa had already been taken out for more tests.

The doctors were still optimistic. Lisa had undergone test after test, scan after scan. They were certain there was no additional damage affecting her brain or anywhere else. It was still just a matter of waiting.

"Dr Conrad wants to speak to you, he's outside." Her voice brought him back to the present day. She motioned towards the door where Jack could see the silhouette of the doctor through the frosted pane. "I'll wait here with Lisa if you like..."

Jack heaved himself out of the chair-his joints aching from sleeping in such a cramped, upright position-and slowly walked to the door. Amy squeezed his hand quickly as he walked past, understanding he didn't want to talk, before going to sit in the seat he had vacated.

"Good morning, Mr. Bartlett" Dr Conrad greeted him. Dr Conrad was a man in his thirties, one of the doctors in Unit 58 in the hospital, the unit for all neurological patients.

Jack just nodded in response, exhaustion sapping him of all but basic functions.

"I just wanted to let you know, for the moment we have done all the tests we can on your wife. We are still awaiting results of yesterday's latest tests, but for now it's just a matter of time. Although the first forty-eight hours have passed, all our tests so far show optimistic results."

"You still think she will wake up?" said Jack, meeting the young doctor's eyes.

"All coma patients are different, but from what we can tell Mrs. Stillman-Bartlett shows signs of brain activity and response, which tells us this is not a permanent state and it is possible she will make a full recovery" he gave Jack an encouraging smile. "From what I can tell, your wife is a strong woman, and she seems to have a whole load of people who love her willing her through this, I wouldn't underestimate the power of that either."

"Thank you, thank you for everything doctor." replied Jack, grateful for the kind words and all Dr Conrad was doing for Lisa.

"I do have to warn you though, partial or complete memory loss is a possibility, however this is often a temporary effect in coma patients and nothing can be said for certain quite yet. Good day Mr Bartlett." Jack just nodded in response, unwilling to even think that far ahead.

Before returning to the room Jack decided to go to the bathroom, if only to try and loosen his limbs by walking around a bit. The men's room was empty, harshly lit by fluorescent lights.

Exiting the stall he walked to one of the sinks to wash his hands. Catching site of himself in the mirror he sighed. _What would Lisa say if she saw you? _He had dark circles under his eyes, his beard and hair were looking especially unruly, not to mention his rumpled shirt. _I've probably aged three years in three days._ He half-heartedly tried to straighten his collar, to no avail, he must have slept on it funny during the night. A sense of frustration crept over him. He felt helpless and he hated it. Jack could feel the beginnings of his old temper flaring up in the back of his mind. All of this pent up emotion was cumulating in his mind and he felt on the verge of an explosion. He wanted to hit something, anything to release his anger. He was angry at the world for letting this happen. Angry at himself for being so helpless in the situation. He was just angry.

_Just take a deep breath Jack Bartlett. Don't you go losing it now, Lisa needs you. _Taking his own advice he took a deep breath and let himself calm down. He was anxious all over again being away from her side so he hastened back to her room. Ty was sitting outside with Mae on his lap and James in the seat next to him clutching a banana in his small hands. Catching sight of Jack rounding the corner James leaped up and rushed to greet him, holding out the banana.

"For you! For you!"

"We thought you could do with some breakfast" said Ty, standing up, Mae still in his arms. Jack could see the worry in Ty's face, he felt guilty about it and averted his eyes, smiling down at James instead. At least he hoped he was smiling, he tried not to grimace at least, for the children's sake.

"Thank you James, I was just starting to get hungry" said Jack taking the fruit from his eager hands. James beamed up at him and then returned to the little toy truck he had on his seat. Jack wanted to avoid Ty's eye as he walked over to greet him but knew he shouldn't, he'd been trying to avoid everyone too much the last couple of days.

"How're you holding up?" asked Ty in a low voice.

"I...well, how would you be?" shrugged Jack gruffly, unable to voice his feelings any further, knowing Ty would understand. He did and nodded earnestly to show it.

"Well we should probably be getting home, right Mae?" said Ty, after a moment's silence, seeing Jacks' nervous glances towards Lisa's door. "You can tell Amy we're right outside when she's ready."

"Sure will" sighed Jack, grateful for the escape back into the room. "I'll see you guys later, you hear?" Mae waved her little hand and James looked up from his toy long enough to smile again in Jack's direction.

Amy looked up as Jack quietly let himself back into the room, she had opened the curtains and cracked a window open to let some fresh air back into the room. She had Lisa's hand clutched tightly in both hers.

"Oh Grandpa..." Amy looked helplessly up at Jack, flailing for the right words to say, on the verge of tears, "I just... I don't know, I feel so helpless right now, I hate seeing Lisa like this, I hate that you're going through this...I-"

"Amy," Jack interrupted, walking to her side. Amy stood up and embraced him, burying her face in his shoulder, sobbing quietly. Jack held her, needing her support as much as she needed his.

"Just, just know that we're all here for you. You know that, right Grandpa?" she said once her sobs had subsided.

"I know Amy, of course I know. Lis- Lisa's strong, she'll be... she'll pull through, we've just got to trust her, trust she's in there somewhere, fighting this.." his eyes wandered to come to a halt at Lisa's face, once again silently willing her to open her eyes.

"I better go, the kids will want to be getting home now." Amy stood back, wiping her eyes. _She's been so strong through this, _marvelled Jack, _Staying strong for her children's sake, she gets that strength from Marion. _

"I'll talk to you later, ok honey?" said Jack as she turned to leave, he hated that he was adding to her stress by refusing to talk, he couldn't help it, he always drew into himself when things threw him off balance.

"Sure Grandpa," she smiled weakly back at him, her eyes flicking to the bed and back, "Lou will be down later, she said don't go buying any hospital food, she'll bring you lunch."

"Thank you, both of-all of you" said Jack, grateful for all of their support. He wasn't making it too easy on any of them, he knew, but all he could think about was Lisa.

"We get it Grandpa, you just need to be there for her, that's all you should be worried about right now, whatever we can do to help, we'll do, no problem." She gave one last glance at Lisa before returning to Ty and the kids, leaving Jack alone with Lisa.

The room was silent once again, silent but for the steady beeping of the monitors. Jack sank into the chair and picked up Lisa's hand, still warm from Amy's grasp. His eyes fixed on her face, her hair was pulled back from the bandage wrapped around her head, the dark tresses spilling over the white pillow case. Not as dark as before, Jack noted, she had gone a bit lighter again recently. He couldn't remember had he mentioned it to her at the time. He hoped he had, it looked nice, he should have said something.

Jack's own silence was killing him, he had to speak, "Oh Lis, I don't know, I just don't know anymore. Heck, I don't even know can you hear me right now, does it even matter? I've always told you everything, but somehow now I realise there's still so much I haven't said, should've said. Like how beautiful you look first thing in the morning, when you're only half awake, when part of you is still wherever sleep takes you, yet you still smile and look at me as if I've made your day just by being there. Or how before I met you I didn't think I needed anyone else, I never even stopped to think I could love someone after Lyndy. But you came along by chance and changed all of that. I can't picture my life without you anymore Lis, I don't want to…I don't want to..." Jack's voice caught and he had to look away from her closed eyes, but whatever gate inside himself that he had opened compelled him to continue, he couldn't stop now.

"I've been stubborn. For years I've tried to tell you that you shouldn't feel obliged to see me through my old age, you deserved more than that, you deserve more than that. I stand by that I really do, but now, I'm being selfish, a life without you in it... it isn't a life I want. I learned that once the hard way when I was too stubborn to admit I needed you after my heart attack. This, this is just bringing it all back. I need you Lis, I need to hear your voice... I need you to tell me it will be ok. "Jack struggled to blink back tears, but it was a futile attempt. They slid down his cheeks, into his unshaven beard. He couldn't bring himself to let go of Lisa's hand to wipe them away. Through his tears, the words kept flowing, he didn't even realise he was talking aloud anymore, he was just thinking, thinking for Lisa to hear.

"If you wak- when. _When _you wake up and if… if you don't remember me, I… I can't stop you from going and living whatever life you want to live, whether it includes me or not. But know that I love you, I will always love you and I will help you through this, whatever it takes. As long as you want me around, I'll be around. Until you don't want me anymore. You told me once you were all in, well so am I Lis, so am I. Just please, please don't make me endure a life without you, without telling you all this, you need to know how much I love you."

Jack's voice was thick with emotion and the words came slowly, he wasn't accustomed to speaking so much without another side to the conversation.

"Oh God I love you, since we very first met. Your strength, your energy-when you stood up for Amy that day of the open house, how much you cared for Ben even when he pushed you away, I was captivated, but I told myself I was being ridiculous, I was old enough to be your father for crying out loud, you're so beautiful I couldn't let myself think I even stood a chance. But I couldn't get you out of my mind. I can't tell you how much it hurt when I first thought you and Dan were still together, when I drove off from that auction, I couldn't even explain how I felt to myself… I was jealous, that's what I was. Because that first so-called-date on the side of the road, I was drawn in, I couldn't get enough of you, you were so beautiful and full of a love for life, there's no-one like you and I just knew, I knew… "

Jack had never spoken for so long uninterrupted in his life. He hadn't even known he could. There was nothing to hold him back, he was just letting his subconscious thoughts spill out, hoping on some level they were reaching Lisa.

"Come on Lis, you can do this, I know you'll fight, not for me, but because you're too damn stubborn to let something like this keep you down." With this thought swirling in his head Jack let himself fall silent once more, hoping, praying he would one day be able to look into her beautiful, startling blue eyes and say it all again.


	9. It's All in a Name

Still drifting in and out of her so-called consciousness Lisa struggled to bring about some memories to cling to, without success. Her thoughts began to colour with desperation, she was losing hope. For a while she had thought more images would resurface after the cowboy, as she had come to call him. But time had passed, from what she could tell anyway, and no new images or memories revealed themselves. All she had to cling to was the cowboy, whoever he was.

_There has to be more than this. Surely if I can conjure up one image it means there's more in there somewhere, right? If I'm dying don't I get a flashback of everything I've ever done? That's how it's supposed to go. Maybe it's a good thing? Proof I'm not dead, maybe? _

Every now and again Lisa felt what she could only describe as a slight shift in her mind, as if something was about to happen, but everything remained dark. In an attempt to distract herself from her darkening thoughts Lisa focused on the cowboy.

Bringing the image to the forefront of her mind she could almost fool herself into thinking she wasn't suffocating in an endless darkness. She concentrated on every detail that she could, the way the light bounced off the white ground (_snow? _She asked herself, _or some twisted version of heaven my mind has created to mock me?_) and reflected off the paint horse's brown and white coat. The horse itself stood proud-kind, brown eyes appearing to stare right at her. His rider sat straight, reins looped through weathered hands, resting on the hock of the saddle. He wore a brown coat over a plaid shirt, tucked into a proud, shiny buckle. The man had a kind face, slightly shadowed by his wide-brimmed hat. With great concentration Lisa could just make out a smile playing at the corner of his mouth, under the grey moustache.

It was Lisa's knowledge of the horse and all the tack that surprised her. _Oh sure, I don't even know my own name but I can name out all the tack and parts of that horse. Now what does that say about who I am, or was? _

Lisa doesn't have time to dwell on this, because suddenly there's a massive shift in her mind, everything is different. She doesn't feel a pressing weight on her subconscious, there's no trapped feeling anymore. Even the darkness doesn't seem so _dark. _She can feel a dull ache in her head and sharp pains through her right leg and ribs. She could make out muffled sounds of bustling and beeping around her.

_I can hear, I can feel, _the revelation surges through Lisa like electricity and she feels her eyes slowly blink open and adjust. The lights are dim, she's in an unfamiliar room.

_Well that's not saying much, _she thought dryly, _being able to open my eyes is __**unfamiliar**__ to me right now. I could have lived in this room my entire life for all I know._

There was an unmistakeably sterile smell hanging in the air. Not altogether unpleasant, but sharp enough to make her nose wrinkle as she breathed in. Under that smell, though, there was something else, something warm and musty, yet somehow fresh. As her eyes slowly adjusted her surroundings came into focus and she located the source of the underlying smell. Standing in the doorway was a man in worn jeans, an oversized brown jacket and a cowboy hat hanging from his hand at his side, speaking in a low voice to someone just out of Lisa's eye line. Lisa's eyes are drawn to the hat. She knows that hat... she knows _him. _

_He's the cowboy, it's him…it's-_

"Jack" the last word breaks past the barrier of her mouth in a soft cry. He must hear because he turns around. His eyes meet hers and time seems to freeze. The love in his eyes is overwhelming but it is still almost drowned out by the utter relief that exudes from every fibre in his being. His shoulders sag and his arms hang limp at his sides, the hat falls to the ground but he doesn't seem to notice.

It's the look in his eyes as they stare into hers that stirs something in Lisa, every memory she had been struggling to reach surges back. She sees what must be herself as a child perched on a horse, bareback. She catches fast moving glimpses of a horse track and crowds whizzing past too fast to focus, she must have been a jockey. She sees open fields full of horses, beautiful horses. She sees hotel room after lonely, hotel room, from all over the world it seems. Jack seems to be the most prominent in every memory flashing through her mind. She sees him, what must have been over ten years ago, but still in jeans and a plaid shirt. A flickering image of him lying still in a room not unlike this-a hospital she realises-shakes her, that memory is filled with fear and worry. Some memories are tinged with anger and regret, she sees arguments and can feel words that went unspoken between them for so long. Yet through the slideshow of images flashing before her, she sees, somehow they made their way back to each other. Images of him sitting at a table surrounded by smiling family, her next to him, fill her with happiness. Lisa can hardly keep up with everything her mind is throwing at her. One vibrantly clear image threatens to bring her to tears, she's standing in front of him, by a frozen lake, surrounded by snow and twinkling lights, he's looking into her eyes with so much love in his eyes it catches her off guard and he's saying "I do".

Only a moment or so must have passed because he's still frozen in place, eyes locked on hers. He's there, standing right there, Jack, and he appears to love her… a lot, she's married, that's her husband, that's-

"Jack" she cries louder, her voice catching with emotion. Her thoughts are a whirlwind that she can't keep up with so she just relishes the sight of him, the smell of him-all so very real in front of her.

The sound of her voice shakes him into moving, he seems to leap forward and he's at her side in a second.

"Lisa..." his voice cracks, but that single word, her name, is enough to tug on every emotion in Lisa's body.

Finally, her name. She has a name, she has someone who loves her, someone who was waiting for her. This realisation hits Lisa and she can't help it-she cries. She can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, it feels so good just to _feel _the moist tears comfort her, she doesn't even notice the pain in her leg or head, or anywhere else. She's too overcome with complete happiness and relief to concentrate on anything else, anything except _Jack._


	10. Perfect Recall

**Author's note: It's been a while since I updated, I apologise for that, life got a bit crazy and didn't leave much creative mind space for me to work with. Nonetheless I hope you like my eventual update, I will try not to keep you waiting so long next time. please feel free to let me know what you think of it.**

Jack struggled to concentrate on what the doctor was saying to him. He was exhausted, although it was only 6 o'clock or so. Lou had been and gone earlier that day with sandwiches for his lunch, so many he had kept some for his tea too. Those were still sitting on the bedside locker, untouched, partially buried under flowers and cards sent by well-wishers. Each day seemed to bring more of those. Just earlier Lou had left with an armful of wilting flowers, whether to bring home or to throw in the nearest trash can, Jack didn't know, or care to ask. He hadn't even thought of removing the old flowers, to be honest he had hardly even noticed they were there.

_Focus, _he scolded himself, realising the doctor was still talking, clipboard in hand. But he couldn't. His mind refused to concentrate, his thoughts were flicking back and forth. From meaningless things in an attempt to distract, but always back, back to Lisa. Amidst his scattered thoughts he noticed he had neglected to open the blinds since he had closed them earlier that day when the low lying winter sun had been shining in at his eye level, dazzling him. The room behind him was dim, in stark contrast to the harshly lit corridor behind the doctor.

From what he could tell the doctor was filling him in on more tests they wanted to carry out over the next few days if things remained unchanged.

**_Unchanged_**_, basically if she doesn't wake up they want to do more tests to tell me they still don't know why she isn't waking up, _thought Jack to himself, his exhausted mind finding no comfort in the doctor's reassurances. It had been nearly a week since the accident now, five days since that once again found himself longing to be alone, being in the company of others frustrated him. It was only ever a distraction from Lisa, he just needed to be by her side. What he longed for above all was to hear her voice, to see her eyes, because in the back of his mind he feared he would forget. Forget the way her voice sounded when she was only half awake or the way it got high when something was frustrating her. How her eyes seemed to see right into him, piercing blue, always kind. He couldn't let himself forget, he wouldn't…

Once again Jack had to remind himself to focus on what the doctor was saying to him. Scolding himself for allowing his mind to wander again he met the doctor's eyes and concentrated on taking in what the doctor was saying.

"Jack…"

The frail voice stopped the doctor dead in his tracks. The doctor's reaction was the only indication for Jack that he wasn't imagining things. He spun to face the bed, some part of his brain registering his hat falling to his feet. The rest of his brain had other things to think about. Like whether or not he had imagined her voice calling his name. Whether or not he was imagining those blue eyes, wide eyes, looking right at him.

He couldn't move. He was afraid he was dreaming, if he moved he might wake up and he might never see those eyes again. Surely though he couldn't be imagining those eyes, or the emotions brimming behind them. So many emotions that Jack struggled to pinpoint them all, he saw shock, fear, relief and disbelief. Emotions mirrored in his own eyes he was sure.

"Jack-"

This time her voice was louder and Jack saw her lips forming his name with his own eyes. The realisation that this was real crashed over Jack and he was broken out of his frozen state. He rushed forward to her side.

"Lisa…" his voice broke with the emotions swirling inside him. A sudden thought hit him.

_She said my name! She knows me, she remembers me. _Jack's relief was immense, the only fear greater than him forgetting the sound of her voice was the fear that she would wake and not remember him, or anything. Before he could dwell further on this he realised Lisa was crying.

Jack's relief is quickly pushed aside by the worry. "Lis! Lisa, are you ok? Are you in pain?"

Lisa's teary eyes meet his and between sobs she replies, "No…well yes…but that's not why, why I'm crying…"

Jack was confused, fearing she was overwhelmed by everything, he cautiously continued. "Then…why?"

"Because…because I remember"

"Remember what Lis?"

"Everything." she smiles, her eyes are still full of tears but she smiles at Jack and he can see the love in her eyes, her beautiful eyes that he feared would never look into his again. By now the lights were on, the blinds open and the room was full of doctors and nurses bustling around checking the monitors. Dr Conrad, the doctor Jack had been speaking to, put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Mr. Bartlett, can I ask you to step out for a little while, just so we can fully examine your wife."

Jack can't bear the thought of leaving her side now and Lisa appears to agree, she has Jack's hand held in a death grip, if he looked Jack knew her knuckles would probably be white.

The doctor looks sympathetically between the two, "I assure you it won't take long."

Jack was reluctant, but knew there wasn't much choice. "I'll be right outside" he murmured leaning down to kiss Lisa gingerly on the forehead, just below where the bandage lay.

Pursing her lips and squaring her jaw, Lisa nodded in response.

_There she is, _thought Jack, _always so strong, and stubborn. _Jack left quietly, looking over his shoulder to hold her gaze until the door swung shut between them. Out in the hallway Jack let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. To his own surprise his immediate thought was to call the others to let them know. Settling into the chair directly opposite the door Jack pulled out his phone and dialled the number for the ranch, knowing they were sure to be at home at this time.

"Hello?" It's Georgie that picks up the phone.

"Georgie, it's Jack-"

"Jack, hi! Is everything ok? Is there something wrong?" Georgie replies in one breath.

"Georgie. Everything's fine, everything's good in fact…"

"Everything-? Jack, is…is Lisa awake?" Georgie quickly picked up the implication behind Jack's words and change of tone.

"She...yeah she is. The doctors are with her now." Jack couldn't help but smile, she really was awake.

"Jack that's fantastic news! I'll tell Amy now, do you want us to come down?"

"Thank you, Georgie. No don't rush or anything the doctors will probably be a while, you all take your time."

"If you're sure…."

"I'm sure Georgie, we don't want to overwhelm her right away either." Jack assured her.

"Oh yeah of course. Well ok, I'll tell Amy and she can give you a call in a while. Tell Lisa we all said hi and we'll see you both later!"

"Thank you Georgie."

"Bye Jack." Jack let the phone fall into his lap. As he sat in the chair he refused to let his mind worry, he wasn't about to start thinking about what problems may yet arise for Lisa, they could deal with those as and _if_ they occurred. For now, he was content with just being relieved she was awake and responding. Over the next while Jack watched as doctors and nurses bustled in and out of Lisa's room until, finally, Dr Conrad exited the room and made his way over to Jack. Jack quickly stood to greet him.

"How is she doctor?"

"Your wife is doing well Mr. Bartlett, her motor and sensory functions are not showing any lasting effects of her trauma besides the expected stiffness from lack of use. Her memory-"

Jack's breath stopped, this is what he feared, _Maybe remembering my name was a fluke, maybe that's all she remembers. _His expression must have betrayed his thoughts as the doctor was quick to reassure him.

"It's nothing serious, Mrs. Stillman-Bartlett appears to have almost full memory recall, although you and family members could be a better judge of that as time goes on. However, she does not remember the events leading up to her accident. This is not uncommon among head-trauma patients, you need not worry. These memories may come back to her over time."

Relief flooded Jack, "Is she going to be ok doctor?"

"It will be a long recovery, her leg will take a long while to heal and her head injury will most likely cause headaches and dizziness for some time, but yes, she will make a full recovery."

"Thank you doctor, thank you so much." Jack fervently shook the man's hand. "Can I see her now?"

"Of course, she's exhausted but asking for you." The doctor returned Jack's handshake before turning away.

When Jack entered the room Lisa was propped up in the bed. Seeing him enter she smiled and made to sit up straighter, turning her smile into a grimace as her hand fluttered to her side, clutching her ribs.

"Lisa, how are you feeling?" asked Jack striding over to help her. She waved away his attempts and grimaced once more at the movement. He let his hand fall to the bed. _Always so stubborn, _thought Jack, it pained him to see her in pain like that.

"A little beat up to tell the truth." she replied letting her hand slip into Jack's outstretched hand. "Jack what happened?"

He didn't need to ask, he knew what she was asking. What else could be on her mind?

"How much do you remember?"

"Everything, I thought," Jack recalled the first few words she spoke after waking, she had said she was crying because she could remember. "…except what happened apparently. The last thing I remember was being in your kitchen, it was early… Please don't tell me I did all this to myself making breakfast." The thought seemed to genuinely worry Lisa for a moment.

"No, no you didn't." Jack assured her, biting back a smile at her fear of injuring herself at such a mundane task.

"Then, what?"

"Well, I guess I better start where you left off…" Jack took a deep breath. _Time to put all my practice at long speeches to good use, _he thought wryly.

"Please do." Lisa squeezed his hand encouragingly, he could see the apprehension in her face, although she tried to hide it. Taking encouragement from the strength she never failed to show, Jack began to recall that day aloud in as much detail as he could manage.


End file.
